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Navigating the Middle

through adolescents, menopause, aging parents & other flying debris

Month

February 2015

Chemo: Cycle 4, Day 5

Join me as I enjoy day 20 of chemo with a bag of Cyclophosphamide, in-tandem with a litter of saline. (Doesn’t that sound intoxicating?)

Thankfully, this is my final day of this cycle. Round 5 starts up in a couple of weeks.

Please continue to pray for me.

Cycle 4: The Climb Up the Mountain

Today is the official start of chemo, cycle 4. Arriving at this point, has been emotionally challenging. Not everyday, just the ones that were snow-covered, requiring trips to the clinic or doctor’s office, that left me feeling like, “This next round will not be okay.”

But 10+ hours into my treatment, I am doing well, just EXTREMELY fatigued. Each footstep up the stairs to my bedroom leaves impressions like footholds up a mountain, my mountain. As I began to consider how I will slay this beast, I open my Facebook page to read the words of Sharon, a dear friend.

Uncertainty in any season is difficult. The mountain looms high in order to meet its opponent. In my estimation, the greater the opponent the more challenging the climb. The warrior is often BOTH fearless and afraid, tough and gentle, confident and unsure. Our mountains are littered with obstacles that in time teach us, and strengthen us even in our difficult seasons. Because you are blazing the trail, you cannot know each turn but trust the finish is there, waiting for you to cross, to plant your flag, to show all of us the goodness of God. Your victory is claimed, this “climb” is not given to the swift nor the strong but to YOU who will endure. And while you can know you will endure in the end it does not soften the terrain of your climb. Just know you have so many who here to lift you up when you are feeling down and literally remind you as much as you need that the crest is awaiting you, so rest for a minute and then get back up and keep climbing girl! We need you. We love you. 

Tonight, my mountain doesn’t loom so large. It remains in place, shrowded in clouds, but there are stairs to help me find my way.

The Uncertainty of It All

IMG_4659 (1)

The reason that I haven’t blogged recently isn’t because I haven’t had anything to say. On the contrary, I’ve even recorded a couple of videos that I decided not to share. Not because I didn’t want you to know how I was doing. It was more like I wasn’t sure how I was doing.

Chemo carries with it lots of uncertainty. Times when you feel strong; times when you feel weak; times when you are unsure. Presently, I’m in the latter season of time. With three treatments under my belt and three more to go, a friend recently remarked that I was on the other side of the mountain. Funny thing about chemo, the mountain seems to loom larger with time…that is until you crest and find yourself ringing that bell, signifying the finish line – the same line I crossed five years ago when I ended my battle with breast cancer. I hadn’t allowed myself the possibility of imagining I’d be looking forward to chiming in again. But that is the kind uncertainty that hits you at the halfway point.

So, this is precisely where I find myself tonight as I prepare for my fourth cycle of chemo. I’d hoped that treatment would not include another drug increase. Unfortunately we don’t always get what we hope for. Three of my drugs, the Doxorubicin (Red Devil), Vincristine, and Cyclophosphamide, will all have to be increased another 20% over the last increase. ((sigh))

I’m hoping to feel better at the end of Cycle Four. Maybe the mountain will seem a little flatter and ringing that bell, a little closer.

To everthing there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to gain, and a time to refrain from embracing;
At time to gain, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate;
A time of war, and a time of peace. 

Ecclesiastes 3:1 – 3:8

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